Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
