You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
