note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
