PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize