He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
