Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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