ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
