So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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