Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
