I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
