just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize