Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
