i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
