I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
