HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
