hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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