A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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