There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
