Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
