After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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