Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
