Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
