and next time when you feel me up, do it right
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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