I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
