First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
