I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
