smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
