isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
