We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
