I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Do you still have your period?
My pussy is not your playground.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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