we have pet lesbian snakes
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
