I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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