i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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