i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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