he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
