toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize