is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
