He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
