meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Sorry about my life...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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