I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
