Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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