Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
