I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
