that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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