apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
