I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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