I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I am available for nakedness
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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