Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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