How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
