Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize