I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
