Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
