I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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