your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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