new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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