She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
