Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
