Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
two words: eviction party
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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