I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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