She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
