I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
