My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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