I love black thongs
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
