Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We talked him into tasing himself.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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