I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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