Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
