who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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