So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
