oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
