And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
