id be glad to
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
