I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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