Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
