direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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