One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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