whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
