Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
