great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize