what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
