problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize