The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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