I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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