i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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