if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
