I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
