she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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