didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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