it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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