I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
