A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
