I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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