This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
soo... how was my night?
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