This is not my ceiling
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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