i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
