I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
