dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize