I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
