Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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