Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I fill condoms, not promises.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
