I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
