I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
