Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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