omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
