Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
