you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
it's like heaven, but drunker
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
