Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
